Strange days ahead. Many feel optimistic and generous with the Moon conjunct Jupiter in Cancer on Monday. This describes a big, happy family. But Mercury is tightly square Saturn in Scorpio. This energy is quite harsh.

Occasionally someone contacts me to write some kind of astrology-themed content for them. Big business. The initial offer is super welcoming.

"Come be part of our family!"

I respond to these invitations and I get back a contract from hell.

You will do this, you will not do that. You will tattoo your face, cut off your arm, and not cut your toenails. If you fail at this, this, this, or this, we will exercise our right to do these 1100 things to you, which as you can see are pretty freakin' horrible...

Johnny Cash's "It Ain't Me, Babe" plays in my head as I send back a polite refusal.

• Don't be surprised if you see a scenario like this play out in the next couple of days.
• Do read anything you sign, closely. Because it's a safe bet you'll be held to the contract.